Fireball

Esmé just fought her first fever.

She learned what pain and misery from illness feels like. She now knows the aching and the shivering that run through the body, the restlessness, sleeplessness, dizziness. And she tasted her first dose of grape flavoured tylenol.

And I have had some firsts too. I know what it feels like to hold a little bundle of fire that is whimpering and crying in my arms. I know how alert and lucid my mind can be all night long. I’ve heard the pitiful sound of my baby struggling to breathe while she’s nursing with a stuffed up nose.

I wanted to give her all the strength and health I had in return for every last germ living in her body. But all I could do was hold and soothe and pray.

And then at 3 a.m. the fever finally broke.

And then she slept.

And I exhaled.